Since that post I had been anticipating another opportunity, another chance to change that outcome and overcome my fear, that I had only just discovered. I didn't let it eat at me, but I certainly thought about it often. Researching and mentally running over it in my mind of how I would handle it differently and how I could change the way I approach the fear of heights, to be able to conquer the fear inside of me.
I like to know I have control. I am a control freak at heart! I plan and meticulously plot out my days, my life, my workouts and my control over me. I love time management and even though, I still struggle with it at times (I do have those days that it just doesn't go as planned) I work to improve on it daily. So for me the fact that I didn't have control over myself and my body's reaction, up on that mountain, just didn't sit well with me and I would not accept that I had a "fear of heights" or acrophobia. I felt strongly that it was something I wanted to overcome.
My husband, Fritz and I had a vacation coming up with some hiking scheduled and ever since 2006, when he had been to Zion National Park and climbed Angel's Landing, he had wanted to take me there and have me experience it! After Longs Peak I knew we had this trip coming up and I knew I was going to be able to get into some "situations" that would test me and my acrophobia. But I had been preparing myself for how I would handle it and what I would do to overcome it. I had thought so much about the excitement of getting another chance that I wasn't even anxious about the trip although I knew I'd be tested. I was in a comfortable place with it and excited to move on.
So day 1 of hiking in Zion we hit the ground running and did Angel's first! My hubby was so smart about this. No working up to it etc. Let's just do it! I like that! LOL! I was as prepared as I was going to be and we caught the shuttle bus into the park to drop us off at the trail head for Angel's Landing. On our way the recorded message from the PA says" the next stop is the trail head for Angle's and we do not recommend small children or aracophobes to take this hike, and if anyone in your party feels uncomfortable at any time please turn around. There have been fatalities on this trail." Okay, thanks for that! I just had to chuckle! We departed the bus and headed up the trail. I told myself to just enjoy the experience and take it one step at a time. The first part is fairly steep but a wide pathway and even though you are traveling up at a rapid rate, I felt totally comfortable and even looking back or down I was doing okay. Then we got to the technical part.
"Rocks and chains" we'll call it! No doubt there was some heavy breathing on my part and taking a few deep breaths! But I just simply looked at the next step in front of me and kept moving. It was important to me to keep moving. The times my heart really raced where when we would meet someone going in the opposite direction and have to cross our paths. To have to put trust in other people to not do something stupid was daunting! But my hubby was there making sure we were in a good place to pass when we needed to and waiting when we needed to for all things to be "clear". I will be honest, I didn't look down! I just looked at the step in front of me. I knew I could just keep taking the "next" step. I didn't think about the trail ahead, although at one point I caught a peek of it and really had a strong gut reaction to just turn around. But I wasn't going to, I was determined!! I didn't think about getting to the top and then having to come back down these areas that I was having to use the chains to pull myself up onto the next rock. I didn't allow myself and my mind to even go there. I just thought, "I'll deal with that when I get there." It was a good plan! Here we are on the summit!
A couple of days later, while hanging by the pool relaxing, I was reading my book "Unleashing your Authentic Power" - Jim Britt, and read a whole passage on fear. What struck me most was this: "Fear is trapped energy - nothing more, nothing less. Fear is the expectation of pain. Fear is the result of taking a non resourceful experience from our past, projecting it in the present once again. It's our imagination. Fear is never about the present. It's only about the future, based on the past. It only appears to be happening to us now." I thought that explains it beautifully. I also thought I was wishing I had read that on the plane, a few days earlier, instead of talking to the guy next to us! LOL!! For me it made sense. Fear was just energy I created in my body by letting my imagination think of the worse case scenarios! It relates to so many things in our lives not just a fear of heights. The fear that is holding you back from anything you want to do or accomplish is just energy - trapped energy. When I think of it this way it makes it so much easier to dismiss it and just move forward. Not let fear stop me, not let fear control me, but just simply let it go as bad energy in my body! There are so many things we can accomplish in life when we learn to "let go" of the things that do not serve us well. The more I let go the more I grow!!
On days after the first I enjoyed the "heights". I took time to look down and it didn't bother me at all. I got myself into some places I wouldn't have been comfortable before and I let go of that fear!
This was an amazing trip for so many reasons and really the least of them was getting to the top of that particular mountain. My last blog I labeled "It's not the mountain we conquer, but ourselves." And on this trip I conquered me!!
